Après Lavrov le deluge

Après Lavrov le deluge, or

Hell and Israel

Scott Humor


Hell, and Israel.  
A Russian expression
describing a high degree of mindfuckery  


Maybe the string theory doesn’t describe the world. 
[Maybe] dark energy has falsified it.
Matthew Kleban


Some models of holographic dark energy on the Randall–Sundrum brane and observational data explains the expansion of the universe without the need for the mysterious “Dark Energy.” 
 A. V. Astashenok and A. S. Tepliakov





Last Week in July              1

Command Centers for new wars              20

Remember Al-Tanf              34

Après Lavrov le deluge              47

Two is one and one is none              64

On This Stone              78

How Netanyahu went to the Victory Day Parade              80

Israel shoots down Syrian jet              91

Hook, Line, and Whatchamacallit              107

The Major and the Hard-Boiled Eggs              111

On Importance of being polite              129

Swimming in blood, drowning in shit              135


Last Week in July


Aman crossed the thistle-overgrown hillside, got down on his stomach, and crawled for several meters through the thorny tall weeds. Right in front of him, across the road in the bright cold light of a nearly full moon, he saw lines of metal fences and razor-wire marking an illegal border crossing. He got out a small camera, set it up on a tripod, aimed it at the gate and began to wait.

In the wee morning hours, a column of buses approached the border crossing from the Syrian side. He could see their headlights and nothing else. The “green buses,” as Russians called them, stopped and let their passengers out. First, a lone man walked through the open border control gates pass an Israeli guard across the border onto the occupied Golan territory. He was carrying a black backpack and a red plastic bag. He was dressed in blue jeans, a black jacket, and white running shoes. He wasn’t running, however, but calmly walking with purpose.

A few meters behind him, another man made his way through the gates, accompanied by a woman with a child, and then another. More and more people were passing the border in silence. After an hour, the man with the camera counted some 700 people crossing the border. Maybe even as many as 800.

On the other side of the border crossing, Israeli soldiers in mushroom shaped Mitznefets looked up the arriving persons in their database and fastened white plastic bracelets with scannable information and GPS chips around their wrists.

Further down the road, men, women, and children got into idling tourist buses of the cargo and freight company from Hatzor HaGlilit. The name of the company and its phone number were printed on the side of the white and blue buses: חברת הסעות וטיולים – ארגון המובילים 4-693-8844.

The man taking a video of this unusual activity was a Syrian intelligence officer. He used a Russian-made surveillance camera with the imbedded transmitter which transmitted obtained footage in real time.

The column of buses with the “moderate” opposition who refused to accept Assad’s conditions of surrender were formed earlier on Friday. They were checked for weapons and people who might be trapped there against their will and began moving in the direction of Jordan.

120 buses started the journey, but 20 took off at the Quneitra crossing and ended up here. First, the Syrians thought that those on the buses decided to join the ISIS groups remaining in the area, but it soon became clear that they were heading towards Israel. This had never happened before, at least not on such a scale. Several Syrian intelligence officers followed the caravan of busses in the dark, and now they spread around the area, surveying.

“Nikolai,” said President Vladimir Putin looking at the monitor, “could you remove those thistle stems? They are all over the screen. We can’t fully enjoy an Oscar-winning production crew returning back from where they came.”

“Vinovat, tovarish Glavno-Komanduyshiy,” said Nikolai and removed weeds in front of the camera. (My bad, comrade Commander-in-Chief.)

Putin, the Defense Minister Sergey Shoigu, and the Minister of Foreign Affairs Sergey Lavrov, gathered for an emergency meeting in Putin’s house in wee hours of Sunday to watch the video of the evacuation.

“The White Helmets have produced the best new generation war cinema money can buy,” said Lavrov. “Remember one of their actors, young with combed back hair? What groundbreaking talent!”

“He broke many grounds,” agreed Shoigu. “Remember the episode when a huge concrete stab fell on his legs and how heroically he endured being dug out?”

“He was smiling and laughing after the scene was filmed,” reminded Lavrov, wiping away a tear.

“Or when he was carried by two guys wearing the famous white helmets. His smile still haunts my dreams.”

“… or when he walked towards the camera covered from head to toe in white powder?”

“What kind of powder was it?” asked Putin.

“That is a question for our Foreign Minister, he knows more about working on camera.”

“It’s a camera-ready brand of makeup, it makes your skin matte on camera. Eh, damn sanctions! If only our guys in the fields could get some of this. They would have fresher looks getting out of their tanks.”

“Maybe they’re born with it,” Sergey Lavrov whispered under his breath, “maybe that’s why we can’t win the Oscar, like these guys.”

“Not for the lack of trying, Sergey Viktorovich,” responded Shoigu. “Every year we go out of our ways to stage an Oscar worthy performance, and every single time the Oscar alludes us.”

“Our creative elite says that we can’t consider ourselves to be a civilized nation if we have never received an Oscar,” reminded Lavrov.

“I thought the Oscar was guaranteed for our Crimea returns home show. Kuzhugetovich staged a massive production with helicopters, troops in brand-new uniforms, heavy trucks and a light-hearted attitude, cats and all. I still get goosebumps when I see the videos with waves of helicopters flying over the Black Sea and not one shot fired. I thought we captured the Oscar in 2014 for sure.”

Shoigu looked at Putin over his half-moon glasses. “The Oscar eluded us, once again. All we managed to capture were NATO and American troops preparing to stage their bloody show in Crimea.”

“If you want to know my opinion,” Lavrov interfered, “no explosions and no shots fired could be why we keep not getting the Oscar. Why were the White Helmets shows has been so popular? Because of all the explosions and chemical attacks, they staged. Just this one trick to pour water on people until every extra on a set is soaked wet and to call this “cleaning after a chemical attack” is absolutely genius. Going down in history, this type of things. I can’t understand, why can’t we come up with something ingeniously idiotic, like they do?”

“Kuzhugetovich, it’s because you and your officers know too much about the real chemical weapons to even consider this kind of fake, but no one else knows anything, that’s why it works. The CNN is my witness.”

“When Americans captured several Oscars for stories about Benya Laden, I had tears in my eyes. All different tales documenting the hunt for Benya down to tiny details, one was The Hurt Locker, and another was Zero Dark Thirty.”

“Zero Dark Thirty won an Oscar for best sound editing,” reminded Lavrov.

“What about the SEAL Team Six: The Raid on Osama bin Laden made by Harvey Weinstein?”

“No, this one just got an Emmy,” ruefully reminded Lavrov. “We can’t even get an Emmy for our fight against the ISIS terrorists.”

“What happened to bin Laden, by the way?” asked Putin.

“Last time I checked he lived in New York. One of our Embassy drivers stopped at the burger joint and saw him there,” said Patrushev, a Secretary of the Security Council and the former head of the FSB, who manifested into thin air to answer the president’s question before disappearing again. “He looked healthy, gained some weight. Said that the hardest part acting in ten year run show was not to eat his favorite cheeseburgers. Now, it’s all back to normal. His entire family works for the CIA, true patriots of the American democracy.”

“The problem was that the Black Hawk helicopters couldn’t fly, they were props left out inside Area 51 in Nevada after they finished filming X-Files. The production crew wanted to suspend two Black Hawks under two Chinooks helicopters left after they finished filming the M*A*S*H, an Oscar winning show about Korean war. These two were stored at the Area 51’s junkyard. They were so advanced props they were tested on the Area 51’s radar that mimicked the radar used by Pakistan’s air defense system.”

“Only, Pakistan used real radar and the Area 51’s radar was a prop.” said Patrushev, manifesting into thin air before disappearing again.


“But the actors playing special forces SEALS kept falling out of huge holes left by actors who played Korean soldiers.”

“With so many competing production crews all telling different stories and winning the Oscars, initial documentary making team called the Team Six studio demanded their cut of all those millions. Others, more established film makers didn’t want to share and called their demands the Extortion 17. Needless to say, it was an accident when thirty-one of the first Benya Laden documentary makers and their dog perished crashed inside those two Chinook helicopters.”

“Who crashed them?”


For a moment everyone in the room went silent contemplating the nature of such cut-throat business.

“Well,” Lavrov said. “With Harvey out of the picture we have a better chance to get an Oscar.”

“Were all those women accusing Harvey our agents?” asked Putin.

“Naturally,” said Patrushev, manifesting into thin air to answer the president’s question before disappearing again.

“Nicolai,” asked Shoigu, “can you guys on the ground come up with some Oscar-worthy scenario?”

“Vinovat, tovarish General. We are not trained in the fine art of film making. We are more about field intelligence and defeating the American proxies.”

“I think I can help you, son,” said Putin. “As the head of the Russian Geographic Society, I have a group of guys who love geography. All they can talk about is geography here, and geography there. True space cadets, I must say. A couple of them went to space as cadets on a pure civilian mission to validate the string theory of dark energy expansion. Very successful mission. They managed to locate this pesky dark energy and to bring it under the Kremlin’s thumb. As of today, this dark energy is not expanding any more. Last week the American physicist Vafa even said that contrary to their hopes, the dark energy is being reduced.

I just asked the guys from the Russian Geographic Society Club to see if they can do something about this dark energy that just expands across the universe with no regards to our national interests and interest of our allies. They went, looked around in space, and just like that “the conjecture” appeared and the dark energy source is gradually diminishing. I suspect that our guys just hacked the dark energy source.”

“Oh,” Sergey Lavrov took of his gold rimmed glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose, “I have a bad feeling about this. I think we might not get an Oscar award this fall either. This dark energy was the Hollywood’s breading ground.”

“Was it, really?” said Putin. “Let’s be optimistic. We still have a month or two to come up with the Oscar winning performance. Nikolai, are you still awake?”

“Tak tochno, tovarish Glavno-Komanduyshiy!” (Yes, comrade Commander-in-Chief.)

“Leave the Israelis to take care of their traveling circus and get ready to meet my guys. Let’s show them devil’s mother and get this Oscar!”

After about an hour, or so, somewhere from behind came flashing lights of the Russian military Police. Two patrol vehicles, a KAMAZ-63968 Typhoon-K MRAP and a light armored GAZ-2330 Tigr, showed up driving in parallel on the both sides of the buses and stopped cutting the tail of the column off and blocking people on the road. People approaching the tall metal gates started to run. The Israelis gathered briskly together near the passport control station, talking loudly and gesticulating wildly, but remained on their side of the gates. Almost immediately the media across the ocean started spewing claims that Russians block the evacuation, with the Russians replying that evacuation to Israel was outside of agreed framework of militants and their families surrendering, moving to Jordan or relocating to Idlib. What was kept as a secret was that the Russians wanted to ask a few remaining in Syria White Helmets an advice of the best way to shoot an Oscar winnable show.

Nikolai was too far to hear anything, but he could see between dark thistle plans, how a few busses turned around and drove in the direction they came from. The Russians followed them in the distance. Soon emptied buses also turned around and followed the same route and everything went very quiet to the delight of cicadas finetuning their mating instruments. Israelis first gawked from behind the barbed wire, then shut the metal gates and vanished from sight.

He waited for another half an hour expecting buses to reappear, but nothing had happened. He packed his surveillance equipment carefully and left the way he came.


What took place earlier Sunday morning on July 22 was an evacuation of the members of so-called “Syrian Civil Defense” otherwise known as “the White Helmets.” The evacuation was requested by the British and decided by the Summit of the Heads of State and NATO on 11 June 2018. It was conducted under the supervision of the Western Special Forces principally the British SAS, with the assistance of Israel and Jordan, both having their headquarters in NATO.

Israel maintains a permanent official mission within NATO through the Programme for Individual Cooperation. Ratified in December 2008 (just before the Israeli operation “Cast Lead” operation took place at Gaza) this “programme” hooks up the Israeli forces (nuclear forces included) to NATO’s electronic system. It allows Israeli pilots to train with the NATO members, for example with Italian fighters, M-346, while bombing Palestinians, and to participate in the NATO naval preparations in the buildup of armed forces for the war against Russia in the Black Sea.

NATO supervised the jihadi terrorists for seven years from its LandCom’s base in Esmirna, Turkey, but the Sunday morning evacuation was the first time NATO admitted its role in the war against Syria.

Later that same day, Jordan reported that 422 persons evacuated via Israel, instead of the originally declared 800. The 378 vanished individuals were the Special Operation troops of the Western coalition that got out of Israel on the first available flight.

Sadly, left out from reports of all Western media outlets was the fact that the armed groups immediately incinerated the Quneitra crossing check point located near the Syrian border after the White Helmets crossed it to the other side.

Only the Haaretz posted photos of a burning compound. Al-Masdar reported the following Monday that the crossing compound was used by the Al-Nusra terrorists—a.k.a. Jabhat Fatx Al-Sham JFS also known as the “Syrian Al-Qaida”—to store weapons, ammunition, and various supplies provided by the Israeli Army, suggesting that its destruction by al-Qaeda and the FSA fighters was an attempt at covering up the extent of their external state sponsorship by the Israelis.

The Sky News Arabia, a news outlet based in Abu Dhabi confirmed the Nusra Front’s responsibility for an attempt to cover up Israeli’s war crimes by posting a video of a white low-rise concrete building with a flat roof surrounded by the olive trees and emitting thick clouds of smoke.

Quneitra crossing is the only crossing between Syria and Syrian Golan Heights occupied by Israel. Before 2011 this location hosted the UN peacekeepers. The distance between Syrian and Israeli side is less than a mile.

Sky News Arabia reporter Nidal Kanaaneh, who was attacked by the Israel security forces at the Lion’s Gates in Jerusalem a year prior almost to the day, confirmed that the flame appeared above the compound of Quneitra crossing immediately after the White Helmeted evacuation ended and prior to the government forces entering it.

It wasn’t clear why would they bother, considering that it’s Israel who assigns crimes to others, not the other way around. In any way, the fire failed to ignite Israeli made ammunition and it was recovered later same week along with many white colored safety helmets.

Meanwhile, i24NEWS released professionally done and edited footage of the nighttime transfer to Israel of the group of mostly adult men calling this “an exceptional humanitarian gesture.”

There’s been long acknowledged covert military and logistical cooperation between Israeli Defense Forces and al-Qaeda groups fighting against the Assad government and the Russian armed forces. In 2017 Jack Moore of Newsweek reported that Israel paid salaries to the terrorists on the Golan Heights border.

Haaretz reported that Israel coordinated attacks with Islamist militants giving air support to Nusra Front. Considering the pivotal role that the White Helmets organization has been playing in the framing of the Russian armed forces for alleged “crimes against humanity” and considering the support that Israel has been providing to them, it’s incomprehensible that media in Russia still claims that Israel is Russia’s “ally.”

This was the beginning of, depending whom you ask, the most victorious, disastrous, bizarre and amazing week in seven yearlong Syrian war. It started immediately after President Putin said that Russia will no longer remain a reactive side merely responding to “partners’” ceaseless attacks. Those who follow Putin’s statements and know that Putin’s statements are the only thing worth following understood that now on Russia will start driving her own narration.


Command Centers for new wars


General Dvornikov’s lecture was scheduled for Sunday, July 22, for the cadets of the military academy. Other military officers were cordially invited.

“Sergey Perov!”

Sergey swirled around and nearly collided with an old man, in the next second recognized as his parents’ friend.

“Zdravie jelayu, tovarish Polkovnik.” [I wish you good health, Comrade Colonel.]

“Look at you, you are all grown up. Last time I saw you were still a boy, a Kremlin cadet. And now, look at you, a man!”

“Valentine Evgenievich, I got married,” said Sergey, smiling broadly.

“Oh,” said an old colonel. “I see. That will do it. Congratulations. How is your father?”

“Since mom died, he just moved to our country house. He doesn’t like to come here to Moscow. He says it’s too much stress for him.”

“Yes, it’s understandable. What are you up to nowadays? Where are you serving?”

“Spetsnaz, so… everywhere. Last week I volunteered for the World Cup security.”

“So, this was your handiwork?” A Colonel chuckled into grey moustaches. “Excellent job, I must say. The enemy couldn’t penetrate our defense.”

“No, he couldn’t. Not after our president warned them that in case of an attack, any attack, regardless of who would carry it on, the authorities in Kiev will be blamed for it and will lose their statehood as the result.”

“If you want an advice from an old professor, I will tell you to use enemy’s weapons against them.”

“We tried, tovarish Polkovnik, [Comrade Colonel] We collected weapons captured on the territories freed from terrorists and also the enemy’s weapons surrendered by the “moderates.” Most were in brand new unpacked condition. The American made weapon, the Israeli made, made in Romania and France, British made, and Bulgaria made.

We were overjoyed getting all this state-of-the-art weapon systems and modem weapons. Never before had we a chance to hold in our arms such pieces of sh… I mean great weapons. Following the wisdom of our forefathers, like you said, we attempted to use these wunderwaffles against our enemies.”

“How was it?” asked the old Colonel.

“It didn’t work… I know that our Ministry still trying to put together a couple of sentences to express our condolences to our ‘partners.’ Before even finishing the first sentence our guys are just rolling around laughing. Not even a disciplinary threat of not letting them to have dessert for dinner can bring them into a working mood.”

“Oh, that answers my old question.” Said the Colonel.

“What question?”

“Why the terrorists had so much unpacked weapons and munition.”

“Yes, exactly. The Western weapons are as effective being out of its original packaging as it’s effective still being wrapped in it. They just leave it laying around packed, while they use good old made in the USSR equipment. The terrorists say that they just want to avoid a headache of recycle packaging materials. We even asked our American ‘partners’ via secret communication channel why their weapons are nothing more than polished turds.”

“What did they say?”

“They came up with a couple of articles in the National Interest, Stars and Stripes, Small Wars, NAVY’s Pride and Prejudges, and other serious defense publications and complained about us that we ‘illegally’ create an unbearable toxic environment for their weapons with our radio-electronic warfare. They say that their weapons work when Russians are not around, like when they bombed with the Lockheed Martin 500 kilogram bomb the school bus full of children in Yemen. They demand our troops to return to Russia, because so many school children in the Middle East and Asia still go to school thus creating the threat to the Western style democracy.

We couldn’t understand what ‘radio-electronic warfare devices’ they were talking about. Turns out our guys, during their personal time, play some computer games on newly made video game consoles. They were manufactured by our defense contractors as part of the defense to civilian products conversion scheme that was started due to the crippling sanctions. Every time someone turns one of those gaming consoles on, NATO experiences heavy losses in personnel and equipment, their missiles fall down of the skies, their ‘stealth’ submarines are seen with naked eyes, their fighter jets involuntarily eject their live munition loads over their allies’ territories. Game consoles manufacturer says that they will investigate what looks like a simple glitch. But they are under the US sanctions, so that might take a while.

This fall they are coming with a new toaster redesigned from the TOR-M2 short range air defense missile system equipped with a target activated slice of bread projectile launching mechanism. Since our arm sales are under American sanctions, this totally civilian toasters will be deployed all over the Heartland and its provinces.”

“Serejenka,” an old man responded. “If you want to hear an opinion of a former intelligence officer… A toaster is not enough, we need a solid microwave to fix this breakfast.”

“Valentin Evgenievich, I promise you we are working on it. Not only a new redesign microwave, but also a supercharged meatgrinder is in the works. Sanctions bite, and more they bite the more of the new kitchen equipment items we manufacture. I assure you before 2020 we will have an entire line of top of the line kitchen equipment. But don’t tell anyone, yet. Let it be a secret. Remember…”

They both lowered their voices and said in unison the military intelligence motto: “We walk in darkness. We move in silence.”

“Take care of yourself, Sereja,” said the old professor. “God, bless.”

The officers and guests were asked to take their seats, and Sergey remained near the entrance door in case he is called back on emergency, he saw the professor with his grey hair on the front row. He meant to ask him about an episode that took place years ago but decided he would do this later.


Aleksandr Dvornikov, the Colonel-General, a middle-aged man with broad shoulders and piercing stare of cold blue eyes, was giving his lecture titled Command Centers for New Wars. He graduated from the Frunze Military Academy in 91 and served in the Western, Eastern, Central and Southern military districts commanding battalions, regiments, divisions and armies. He entered the history when on September 30, 2015 under his command Russian Armed forces started liberation of Syria from the invasion and occupation of the armies of international terrorists and western proxies. In July 2018 he was serving as the commander of the Southern Military District. Sergey was especially interested to hear his analysis of the war on Syria.

The general spoke about new methods of kinetic wars implemented by our “partners” that in fact erasing the difference between war and peace. The last in history traditional operation was conducted by the multinationals from NATO invading Iraq in 1991. Since then, for the past quarter of a century, no one used massive ground forces to invade the countries.

Currently, the state-aggressor reaches its aims by employing an array of non-combat measures, which in some cases are far exceeding the efficiency of military operations. The primarily task is not a destruction of the adversary, but his utter subordination to the aggressor’s will.

“We had to take into account the fact that by the summer of 2015, the Armed Forces of Syria have completely exhausted themselves, the personnel were demoralized, the officer corps degraded, and the leadership of the armed forces showed extremely low efficiency in the management of troops.” The Colonel-General took a sip of water and looked at his audience before continuing. “In this situation, we were forced to focus on the most combat-ready units of the people’s militia, such as Brigadier General Suhel, “desert Falcons,” KSIR, combat units “Hezbollah,” “Fatimids,” units of Sheikh Turki and Ibrahim, Sheikh Suleiman, and later the brigade of the 5th DShK, formed from volunteers who were part of the most combat-ready land group.

In fact, we are talking about the fragmented irregular armed groups. But being united under the command of the commander of the group of troops from the armed forces and acting on a single plan, they have acquired a different status. And now they can fully be called the integrated military group.”

A cellphone in Sergey’s pocket vibrated briefly, a message from his group’s officer on duty was “Alert! All report to headquarter ASAP. This is big.”

“I’m in the Frunze Academy building at Dvornikov’s lecture.” Sergey messaged back, while walking out of the auditorium without looking back at the stage. He knew that if Dvornikov recognizes him, he will be entitled to some explanation.

Sergey walked briskly down the marble staircase, into a cavernous hall through heavy brass doors and down another long white marble staircase pass a beautiful black marble wall with names of exceptional graduates of the academy Frunze engraved in gold. He kept walking towards the subway station when he got another message, “Wheels?” His officer on duty was asking if he drove to the lecture. “No. Metro.” After a brief consideration, the phone came back to life again, “Pick up on the Zubovskaya square. 20 min.” “Got it. Over.”

It was quarter to seven, and he still hoped to be back home for supper.

Reaching the Zubovskaya square, Sergey looked around, when a car parked at no parking zone blinked its headlights at him. Inside the car Sergey found a smiling and very pleased with himself young fellow, Sergey’s group new translator, Karan. He spoke Arabic, Hebrew and English. His mother was Russian, and his family moved out of Syria a decade ago giving him a chance to graduate from a high school and a university in Moscow. He served a year in the armed forces as a conscript and signed up for a professional service. He has never been on active war duty.

“Hi, Karan. What’s up?”

“Someone big is visiting Israelovka tomorrow morning. We are summoned to cover on Syrian side of the border,” Karan was bursting with excitement.

“Who is it? Himself?”

“No, someone from MID.”

‘When do they want us to leave?”


“Now? I don’t know Karan,” Sergey looked at his subordinate with concern. “Maybe you shouldn’t go. Maybe you should stay here at home. Do your research and keep us informed.”

“No, comrade Major! Why? I want to go. I am ready for a deployment to Syria.”

“You look too happy and eager. It’s suspicious.”

“I got it, tovarish Major. I promise I will do my best to appear gloomy and reluctant. Only, please, let me go with you.”

“Fine,” Sergey agreed after a brief consideration. “Only keep excitement under wraps, try to look pro and all business. It’s not all going to be a resort, I promise you.”

“Yes, tovarish Major.”

They parked a car next to a long three-story building constructed in 17th century in a style of Russian classicism with white columns and painted, appropriately, egg yolk yellow. The name of this historic building was the Khamovniceskie Barracks, a home to some smartest people on planet earth.

Their office was located at the far wing of the building on the third floor behind a door with a plastic plaque that says, “The Russian Geographic Society Club.” Their official job was, well, to conduct new geographic explorations. Their none-official job was intelligence support for Syrian campaign. Their task was to analyze incoming information and to build models of enemy behavior in assistance to the command center of Syrian new integrated armed forces. Something that Russia’s defense ministry brought together, united, trained and integrated seamlessly into a completely new never before existing military order consisting from semi-autonomous but working in near perfect harmony parts.

Remember Al-Tanf


“Always remember the Al-Tanf operation.”

“That was a classic. Suvorov crossing the Alps kind of move.”

“I am still very proud of it.”

The Russian Geographic Society Club’s analytical team was packed between crates of humanitarian aid, inside the belly of Antonov cargo plane assigned to the Defense Ministry. They were passing the time by intensely studying intel dispatches coming off the ground.

They knew that NATO just conducted the evacuation of its operatives by mixing them with crowds of women and children. Part of those evacuated were crisis actors and movie production crews working for the White Helmets, a British-based organization founded and run by a semi-retired British ex-military USAR (Urban Search & Rescue) trainer, James Le Mesurier, who specialized in outsourcing warfare. The organization is also known as the Syrian Civil Defense. Judging by the numbers reported by Syrian intelligence, at least 800 people escaped punishment for war crimes, with only 422 people crossing the border from Israel to Jordan. A third of those evacuated simply vanished, and since they stayed in Israel, they could be the British and Israeli special operation troops, returning home.

The other two members of the group besides Sergey and Karan, were Senior Lieutenant Vladimir Bogaturev, the group’s IT guy with the doctorate degree in computer science, and Lieutenant Alexander Zolotarev, a senior security analyst.

“So, the Israelis staged the “WH” rescuer operation as a cover up for evacuation of nearly 375 special ops troops. Ok, maybe some of them are movie directors, cameramen, and IT specialists from Israel who were producing the fake documentaries about ‘evil’ Assad and ‘good terrorists,’ but the rest of them must be chemists who worked in those chemical labs that we have discovered. Some of them served as commanders of ISIS units, who abandoned their charge and ran. On Sunday, they were placed on passenger jets flying in all directions, and they are already on the way home and to their fat paychecks,” reported Alex.

“I have a list of the terror groups commanders evacuated by the Israelis,” said Sr. Lieutenant Vladimir. “We just got intel on them. Moaz Nassar, a commander of the Fursan al-Golan Brigade, Abu Rateb, a commander of the Fursan al-Golan Brigade, Ahmad al-Nahs, a commander of the Saif al-Sham Brigade, and Alaa al-Halaki, a commander of the Jaish Ababeel.

The four of them secretly converted to Talmudism and were recruited by Israeli intelligence. During the war, they acted in the interest of Israel. They have been evacuated with the rest of the personnel that, if captured, could be the reliable source of information about the foreign powers’ role in the organization of the foreign intervention against Syria.”

“That tells me that this week or the next, the bastards in the area will all be surrendering without a fight.” Karan suggested. “They have been abandoned by their “demonocratic” instructors with their next paycheck. It means, watch out. Now, they are going to fiercely surrender, knowing that Assad is too kind to do anything to them. In the worst-case scenario, they will be in prison for a while, with three square meals a day, and a roof over their heads.”

“They won’t get drugs, so.”

“Plus, they have to avoid the rage of the locals.”

Sergey watched a video shot by the Syrian intel on his Voskhod (Dawn) military grade laptop. “I guess that single men on the Syrian intel video are those demonocratic instructors.”

“What I don’t get is how the UN could authorize such politically and criminally charged operation by removing the war criminals from the country without approval of the Security Council members?” Karan pondered.

“That wasn’t the UN. The Israelis are lying. The evacuation of the Western military personnel and assets from Syria was requested by NATO and approved by Trump. He asked President Putin about the operation, and now claims that Putin tentatively agreed to stand down and to let the column through.”

“These people will be accommodated by Canada, the Great Britain and Germany.”

“Their home countries.”

“The Demonocrats gather crème de la crème from all over the world. Yesterday you were the assassin for hire cutting off children’s heads in Syria, today you are a scientist in Canada, a doctor in England, and a school teacher in Germany. Everyone deserves a second chance in life. Valuable specialists don’t go homeless and hungry, unlike natural Germans, who can’t do anything of this sort because they are savages,” explained Alex.

“Why would Vladimir Vladimirovich have agreed to this operation?”

Everyone looked at Vladimir, since he was the one to answer questions related to philosophy and computing wizardry.

Vladimir looked at his younger comrades and took a deep sigh. “They would be evacuated anyway with the transport to Jordan the same day. No one would know, frankly. The question is not either Putin agreed to this evacuation. The question is who gave this idea to the Demonocrats. It’s absolutely brilliant! It gives us the faces and names of the Special Ops specialists leading operations against us. By agreeing to evacuate to Israel with the White Helmets they confirmed their status. As the Westerners they, by definition, cannot be the Syrian Civil Defense. After we do a bit of magic and feed their names and faces database into our facial recognition and search platform FindFace Public Safety developed by the NTechLab. And like that, voila, it’s sunk in, up and running. My favorite robot will work tirelessly checking faces and names on social media and in parallel our defense satellites will be searching for these beautiful faces anywhere on the ground. Shortly, we will know where these guys live, what they had for breakfast, and most importantly, who they work for. The US senators want Russia to be declared a ‘sponsor of terrorism?’ Fine, in response, we will hang all of them out in the sun.

I don’t know who designed this operation, but it’s like giving us an actual, thorough database of the Western specialists and their crisis actors. I am in awe at this operation. I am simultaneously floored and elated.”

“Why would the Demonocrats agree to expose themselves in such an obvious way?” asked Sergey.

“That confirms my theory that the Demonocratic elite special forces are as stupid as doorknobs. They operate inside ideologically-driven mental structures, and they assume that everyone else does, too. Add to this the fact that they lack experience operating against any actual adversary. How many times can an adult man fight children in a sandbox and claim that he defeated them all?”

“Who said this?”

“I don’t know, but it’s accurate.”

“Time after time, I realize that the more military power your country has, the less chances that someday unwelcome guests will show up at your door telling you that you have to leave, while liberal film crews wonder around staging chemical attacks, while ‘freedom fighters’ from multiple nations fight against your freedom to save your family for their freedom to cut off your children’s heads. There is only one way to be protected from demonocratization, and that is to be able to deliver uncompromising military-political damages which are unacceptable for the demonocrats. All those agreements we sign with them are not worth the papers they are printed on,” concluded Vladimir.

“Team, listen here,” Sergey announced. “It’s an hour before we land, and here is our operative task: On Monday, July 23rd, when Lavrov and Gerasimov visit Israel and beyond, we are to develop and implement an innovative response to the adversaries’ attacks and provocations.”

“What do you mean ‘innovative’? Is this what I think it means?” asked Alex.

“I’m mentally ready for an innovative response. This is word by word an exact operative task I give myself every time we are about to visit my in-laws,” said Vladimir.

“We have to anticipate the following issues. First, the Israelis might stage an offense during Lavrov’s visit,” said Sergey.

“Highly likely…” Karan responded

“The Israelis will do the following: from the Golan territory or very close to it, their special ops remaining in Syria will shoot a couple of missiles that their own men will try to intercept. After that, they will declare hysterically that they were attacked by the Iranian army and they will attack the advancing Syrian army troops that are now fighting with the ISIS in Quneitra province. We anticipate that on Monday, they will stage their routine false-flag-attack with the following attack on the Syrian forces claiming that they were Iranians. This will take place tomorrow and Tuesday.”

“Highly likely…”

“Now, what are we going to do about this?” Sergey looked at his team. He liked to think that four of them were the smartest people in the Russian army, but he knew that were others brilliant researches and analytics and he would like to remain among the best.

“We will warn the minister about the possibility of a provocation?”

“Good. Send them a warning. Let them know we care.”

“What else?”

“We will warn the Syrian intelligence to expect this?”

“Very good. What else?”

“I don’t know,” Vladimir shrugged his broad shoulders. “For years we have been told not to respond to provocations. So, all I can come up with now is not to respond to provocations. If you don’t use some of your faculties, eventually you start experiencing extrasensory atrophy.”

Sergey looked at him, then rummaged in his backpack and came up with a bar wrapped in shiny foil. “Here you go, have some chocolate, this will help.” “What I want to say to all of you is that you, guys, have to listen to our president.

If you did, you would know what he said last week during his meeting with the diplomatic corps. He said that now on we are going to stop being re-active, and we will be pro-active. And this means that instead of taking a hit after hit and ignoring them, we will respond in the most innovative ways, including using their own tricks against them. Starting now,” Sergey looked at his watch. “I order you, unit, to think. If we don’t find a way to counter-act the Israeli’s provocations in a new innovative way, we might as well be sent into an earlier retirement.”

“When I retire I will buy a small vineyard on the Caspian Sea in Dagestan and start making wine for my friends and family,” said Vladimir darkly.

“In that case, when I retire I will be drinking your wine,” Alex said.

“When I retire I will be making TV shows about us,” said Karan dreamingly. “Someone has to tell the world our story. What about you, Major?”

“Me? I don’t know … I don’t see myself as being retired. Well … maybe I will teach somewhere in college. By the way, speaking of teaching, I want to finish listening to General’s lecture. Karan, can you find it for me?”

“Yes, Major.” Karan looked it up. “Here it is, they just emailed it around.” He handed his reinforced military-issued planchet to the Major with a text of the lecture on its screen.

“Guys, while I am reading this, keep thinking,” said Sergey looking at his troops over the edge of the planchet. “We have very little time to come up with a plan.”

“I can think with my eyes shut,” said Karan. In a minute he was fast asleep.

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